Clean Ninja Slate

Stop. Start. Over.

Seems self-defeating to have to stop… just to start. In life…shouldn’t it be more about changing directions, or giving some stuff up and taking others on, not simply stopping and starting??? Don’t follow? Let me explain. I heard a great quote once that was referring to training and never giving up when working towards your goals, “If you don’t stop, you never have to start over”. It’s a bit paraphrased, but the idea is that you expend a lot of energy starting over and it can suck to start over because you never really get anywhere if you are always starting over. No matter how many times I start a training plan, if I keep starting over... it won’t get me to finish a race…so according to this motivating quote, if you just continued to keep trudging through it, overcoming obstacles and finding solutions to problems that arise, then you keep working towards your goal and you don’t stop and the result of that is that you will always have the forward motion to reward your efforts. And as long as you keep moving forward, even if it’s slowly, you are not falling behind, right?

Life, fate, God, whatever you may believe it was, just offered me the chance to stop and start over. A blessing in disguise? An expensive re-route? A dream finally come true? I’m not sure…but it’s a clean slate. I was trudging forward with relationships, work, a home, and other items toward a goal I wanted. Well a goal that was slowly being taken over and being made blurry by the things I was trudging. Not that they were bad and not that they were good things…they were things in the way…helpful some days, unhelpful other days…those were the things I needed to trudge through to feel the weight of life…to know that I was connected to others, to know that I have talents and gifts that amount to good in different facets of my life. When you are trudging through them all you can forget that they are not trying to force you to leave your goal behind, or to put it aside, but rather to show you that when you decide to follow that dream or to chase that medal at the finish line of a marathon, it’s because you chose it.

So, while the sentiment of “don’t give up”, “ keep pushing through it” is a positive enforcer that you should never quit and you should stick to the fight, I think wiping the slate clean, because you elect to or are forced to, can shed light onto how you are going to utilize your time, gifts, and energy. I ran the November half marathon in Seattle…I hurt myself. I kept running and training all with the pain in my leg/foot. I was able to do just enough to get me to be able to make it through the half marathon in May. But I ended up even more hurt and scared my running career was over than if i had stopped and regrouped. I was in so much pain and with a tight leg wrap for about a month completely unable to run. In essence I was forced to stop. Not cool.  But because I stopped I now have to start over with my training. And now as I sit in my running clothes I realized that if you never have the world force you to stop, you miss out on the opportunity to re-evaluate what you are trudging through. When it’s forced, when you have a weight limit on suitcases, when you have a dollar limit on your budget, when your bucket of feelings can only hold so much, you have to take in only what you value and you have to put out into the world only what you can give. So a better quote…more elaborate and less succinct but more honest and a better reflection of the true state of such complex beings that ninjas are, would be… “If you don’t [choose to] stop [and truly re-evaluate what you trudge through on the daily, the world will force it upon you], you never [have to give up everything at once to do so, but you always] have [the power and the tools] to start over”

        

Ninja, take 5!

Ever wonder why it's so hard? Getting started on things that you HAVE to do. The first five minutes of everything can be dreadfully unpleasant. Yesterday i noticed that it was a trend in my day. Opened up my eyes to an amazingly sun filled and surprisingly clean room...every bit of my being said.. "you know you should get up" but in the half sleepy state of mind that I was in, throwing my cozy comforter off, swinging my legs off the bed..just to walk on over to brush my teeth, wash my face and get ready for work seemed impossible. Seemed daunting and really just unnecessary!

Somewhere I found the will to get up, get dressed, catch my bus and make it to work. *Sigh* it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined it! The air was crisp and the sun was out, which in Seattle, that in itself is worth waking up for....the people were polite. It's Seattle... let's not go crazy and call them friendly :p and the bus ride was remarkably quick...even with that strange person talking to themselves, it wasn't that bad! So getting up and at 'em, why was it so hard? Maybe the daunting task of the days work, maybe the unjust confinement to an office when the sun is out, or maybe some irrational belief that it's impossible to make it through another day?! I think it's the first two...if you're feeling anything close to that last one...you may be depressed!

For me I think it was just I'd rather just skip that whole morning routine and teleport myself to the office and get straight to work, enjoy my day, finish my day and go home proud of myself and the work I have put in. But nooooo....I have to put in the work...to put in the work!?!?!?! This also happens when I run.

I love the feeling of accomplishment I get when I have ran my little lap around greenlake. It used to be hard to go for 5 minutes without stopping and now to be able to just hit the lake and know that I can do it feels aweeesoommmme!! Yet the beginning, the first five minutes, seem eternal, they seem as if I am right back to last summer. I didn't have endurance, I didn't have strength or even really the genuine desire to run for long periods of time. So those five minutes were brutal. It was like saying "GOOD MORNING' to someone waking up on the wrong side of the bed! Legs felt heavy, breathing was off, knees were creeking, even my toes didn't want to cooperate. Shins started stinging....and then....the horrible realization that you drank so much water that you're getting a side ache and you have to stop at one of the greenlake spider-infested bathrooms! AH!!! and if you go to the bathroom...your underwear just don't sit right afterwords...and... is.... that... a wedgie you're feeling??? UGH!!!!

Might as well just walk...or better yet...run...home! Those first five minutes don't work with the seconds we are used to. They go at super duper slow speed. This allows every part of your body to put in a complaint report, allows your mind to get creative and think up of everything ELSE you need to take care of at that very moment in time (other may recognize these thoughts as excuses...and we all know what excuses lead to!) allows you to rationalize giving up before you even really start. Those first five minutes make up the fiber of your character. How well do you do at brushing off those excuses that bog you down? How well do you do at braving the cobwebs that try to frighten you away? How well do you do at picking your wedgie with dignity...you know you aren't the ONLY one EVER to have one...so don't even front!

Imagine the possibilities if you conquered those first five minutes. You work through your issues and just keep going. Next thing you know you are crossing the finish line at your first ever half marathon...heck even crossing the finish line at your first 5k is just as rewarding...because you couldn't have if you had let those first five minutes deter you from being great! Whenever I finish a run I like to tell myself (out loud!) "THAT WAS AWESOME!" so that I will have a very vivid memory of how I felt the last time I ran. I gotta remind myself because I am at risk for forgetting...and then giving up.

When I was little I figured out that things didn't hurt for ever or stay bad for ever....so when I would get hurt I would tell myself. "ok, yasmin, this may hurt right now, but you won't feel this next month or even next week" It got me through a lot of little random things when I was little. But I also learned to start doing it with monumental things. Like, when I moved to Germany as an exchange student as I got on the plane and left my family and all I had ever known, I made a conscious effort to focus on and recognize my feelings...just so that I could compare them to how I would feel at the end of my year abroad. I also did it the first day of school for my masters....took it in...looked around...remembered what I wore what others wore....and at my graduation, recalled that moment. It's a strange little thing I do...but it helps me get through those first five minutes of things that either truly are difficult....or I make believe they are!

I guess, I gotta start finishing my days by saying "THAT WAS AWESOME" so that I start waking up with a very vivid memory of what lies ahead. (i think i will also say 'that was awesome if the day wasn't that great...that way my memory remains a positive one..tricky tricky!) So running ninjas, you'll never stop struggling through those first five minutes. But what you accomplish once you have made it past....is UHHH-MAY-ZEEENG!.

Ninja Safety

I think I may need to be protected from myself. This (looong) weekend was spent hurting myself waaaayyy too often! I ended up with two massive cuts (and by massive I mean one kind of bled and the other was in an annoying location where it just perpetually keeps getting hurt). I stubbed my toe, broke three nails, got a nice welt from the jump rope, went on a date that was less than thrilling AND even had a dream in which I was super upset (mostly because I woke up to find out that it was just a dream!). Not even safe in my sleep?! Honestly?!?!?

So today, I'm thinking about Ninja Safety. How do you keep yourself safe as a running ninja and how much of that safety can be controlled? Even better, is it ok to rely on someone else to keep you safe? hmmmm....go ahead take a moment. See if you even understand my question and what I mean. Another second? ok. ........ ......... .........

So running can in fact be dangerous to your health. Do too much too fast and you could get injured and not accomplish what you set out to do (which for us, is the half marathon). However, take your time and not push yourself enough and you end up running only two miles the rest of your life. You should warm up, run in your comfort zone, stretch afterwords and when you're ready for another run increase your distance by 10%. Then repeat...warm up, run, stretch, increase. Warm up, run, stretch, increase...each week. This works great because you know what your goal is and each week you can actually feel yourself getting stronger and more conditioned to running. Sometimes the warm up seems longer, sometimes the stretching isn't enough, but you always know that you are getting closer to your goal. And you always know that you have yourself to either blame or congratulate for getting out there each week and warming up, running, stretching. Just you...no one else.

So why do it this way? Because if your muscles aren't used to going the distance they will put up a fight and cramp, strain or pull. All to give you a warning that you are doing too much too soon. You kind of want to trick your body into going faster and further than you have ever gone before by being sneaky and adding up little by little to the amount of running you are doing. And when you are done you get a shiny medal :) yey! Well, bring it back to my current thought on feeling safe in a relationship...or looking for someone that makes you feel safe, someone that you can trust, I guess that's what it's called. Trust.

I think I sprained a muscle. That big one involved in your cardiovascular health. Yea, you know which one. And if you don't, then open up a book (don't google it, use a book). See I was training; I warmed up, and increased the amount of effort I was putting into things on a regular consistent basis, even felt like I had conquered some serious issues and done all I could to keep myself in the safe zone. The only thing lacking was a goal, a destination or even the assurance that my training was on track. What was missing the most was a true sense of safety. It was a mess! You can't work towards a wishy washy goal. And you can recover...I'm sure you can... well I'm hoping you can...I have slight inkling that you should be able to....anyway I'm SURE you can! So...less than thrilling date, I'm sorry, but I'm in no shape for a full marathon. I think I'll tackle the half!

Running Ninjas, today we tackle greenlake. All of it! I am hoping that I am not pushing them to do too much too soon, because I want them to trust me and I want them to reach their goal, in a safe way....in a way that allows them to actually run across the finish line. So even though I can't protect myself...from myself...lol... I can show these girls how to push themselves and trust them to put their effort forth and warm up, run and stretch as we work towards our goal! Meanwhile, I am going to have to figure out how to fix my sprained muscle and identify a better and improved Ninja Safety protocol for the future success of a Yasmin.

Running (late) Ninja

We have a new ninja in our running group. Very excited to have her! yey! However, yesterday was a tough day to get everyone out there and hitting the pavement....it could have been the promise of sprinting hills that deterred everyone....but since they are ninjas they probably just had other more pressing matters to attend to. But our newest runner, she had to deal with a late start. Now I won't admit that it was me that was late...but I also won't deny it.

Still thinking about traffic school and the other lesson I learned in that FOUR hour class... the value of time. I had two very good friends, would even call them my best friends, my freshman year of college. One had grown up without her mom, she had passed away when she was a teeny tiny baby and I think that in order to fill the kind of void I can't even begin to imagine of not having your mom around, she grew up to be very motherly, organized and sooo very responsible. My other friend, grew up with divorce as the reason why her dad was not around. He would promise to come visit. Sometimes he would show up, most times he would not, and quite often he was late. Very late. So my one friend was very much afraid of missing out on something that she often planned and re-planned things so that they would turn out...she also didn't have any trace of flakyness. My other friend was brutal, she didn't plan as much but when it came to being somewhere on time she was, didn't really matter what she left behind that was unfinished and didn't accept the curve balls that life throws at you as an excuse for running late.

My first friend saw her interaction with the world as controlled, the more control she had the better. My second friend saw the world's interaction with her, as a personal insult when things did not go as planned. No wonder these were amazingly good as friends!

Enter Yasmin.

I had both my parents. My Dad super strict about being on time. My Mom, saying "honey, you can't control everything all the time" and "sometimes there's a reason why things worked out this way". But both of them followed through. I learned that you could plan, you could prepare and you could still end up late. And when you were, you could forgive yourself and when you were waiting you could be patient because you never knew what was around the corner. My friends, awesome as they were, were not as patient as I needed. But that's why you have people in your life different than you. To help you grow and teach you lessons.

My second friend, who had issues with her Dad, constantly would say "the most precious gift is time" and she saw a very direct correlation between someone making you wait with how much they valued you. Probably because she was tired of waiting for a Dad who might or might not show up and assumed it was an indicator of how much he loved her. There was no other aspect of a person that she would consider as important as being on time. It's amazing we stayed friends. She would get mad because I would be late (just a few minutes but still very rude) and I would get mad because I felt I was a good friend in every other possible way....in fact I thought I was the best person to have as a friend, I'm like one of those ride or die kinda people...yea I'm pretty gangster! Well years of frustration built up and on my birthday on the way to a simple little birthday dinner we ended our friendship. I was waiting for my ride (lol no car remember?!) and she was going to meet us at the restaurant. My ride got lost on the way to my house, then we had another person call and ask to be picked up. All this added about ten minutes to drive....

Then as we were headed down Roosevelt, on 75th...you know where the Safeway is...we almost got hit by a car...t-boned and all....I was in the passenger seat. I turned to look out the window and saw this car speeding towards us, I yelled at my friend "STOOOOOP" or something...all i know is that there was a sound that came out of my mouth...not sure if it was comprehensible...i saw my life flash before my eyes...closed them tight and waited for the impact. It never came. The car had good breaks. The driver managed to stop about an inch from our car...an inch from my door! I did not die on my birthday...but boy was i shaken up...there was crying and laughing and yelling at the other driver and lots of sorrys. But we were all fine.

Everyone except for my friend who was calling us, she was at the restaurant and didnt want to go in by herself. She didn't like doing things like that on her own. So finally I realized I had missed her call, called her back as we were looking for parking. We found a spot as she answered. She was so fuming mad that she swore she would never hang out with us again... said we were inconsiderate of her time and she could not believe that she was my friend. All this before I had the chance to tell her that we were all shaken up a bit, but were fine, were there and could actually see her standing in front of our car. I think she had waited 15 minutes total. Which is a long time to be waiting. But I told her she could leave if she wanted. She left and we never ever spoke after that.

Again, traffic school teacher, comes to mind with her words of wisdom.... "consider the things that you value and think about what skills you need to improve in terms of that value system."

For me (again-not saying I was the late one) I would have to consider how my being late affects what I value, which are my friendships, my running groups motivation, and my list of goals to accomplish during the day. But...hopefully I can work on this in a supportive environment and utilizing communication effectively. I'm glad I have friends who tell me not to be late and also forgive me when I am, so I hope our new running ninja wasn't discouraged by having to wait a little longer to sprints up a hill!

Ninja Fast

Ninja Fast attitude!

That was what my day revolved around. Ninjas are fast and should never be caught. But what happens when they do? They get sent to traffic school! Well...it's a shameful thing apparently. To be caught breaking 'the law'....not shameful to break it. Just shameful to get caught.

Back story? ok. It's goes waaay back to 15 years old. My Dad is a very amazing man who had all the answers to the world and was very adamant about being correct all the time. A man that lives by 'my way or the high way'...especially ON the highway! He took me out of my first driving lesson. In that little red pontiac, I was 15 and I was more nervous than excited....he said "with great power comes great responsibility"....or was that in a movie? hmm....well regardless, through his actions, words and most of all his intimidating amount of knowledge he taught me how to drive. Until I ran into something....like literally..ran into something...then he gave up on me and signed me up for the mandatory drivers ed class. Yep, we were not going to be able to work together to teach me how to drive. After 6 looong months I finally got my license, got in my little red car and drove around for the next two years. Ninja Fast-forward approximately 15 years (daaang!) and I had lived without my own car for 10 yrs. Believing I was being eco-friendly by taking the bus and bumming rides from my less than eco-friendly car owning friends...I never needed to have my own car.

And then I did.

Only a Yasmin would buy a car on Monday and get pulled over for SPEEDING on Friday. Laugh if you will...but I got caught going 13 miles over the speed limit. oops! 13? Really? Well the officer was nice enough to write it for only 5 miles over...because I apparently didn't actually know the speed limit of the area. When I squealed "..but....I don't WANT a ticket. I have NEVER had a ticket! What do you DO with one?!?!!" he consoled me by telling me that it was ok and I could maybe get it deferred...he in fact...has 3 speeding tickets on his record! Didn't help. I was still bitter and angry at the injustice of the world. And it got worse, in order for my Dad to never find out about this ticket, I would need to defer it, pay a gazillion dollars, take a traffic class AND be an absolutely perfect driver for the next year.

So what does this have to do with a Yasmin? Well above all things I am my father's daughter and to have an unclean driving record could land you in one of those disowned daughter categories (he actually is a lovely man, but kinda tough when it comes to some things). I will do anything-except go the speed limit- to make sure my dad never finds out about this ticket. So I sucked it up...signed up and showed up for what one of my running buddies called "traffic training school" when in actuality it is a very serious "defensive driving" course. I even got an official certificate of completion. Anyway, the class was good, it's hard to describe all that I learned...it was after all FOUR hours long! So, ninja fast, to the point we go....

Your attitude. How you wake up every day and determine to live your life is exactly how you will live it. Being careless about your life, be complacent in your effort, and being disengaged in personal growth can land you in an 'accident'. In your life it can long term, maybe having the years go by without going after your dreams because you don't believe they will actually come true, or as immediate as not planning in advance for something important you needed to do tomorrow.

In traffic school I learned that there is a direct correlation between how much you press the gas and your negative (frustrated, angry, cocky, self-centered, depressed, sad, bitchy) attitude. A lot of people out there on the road make poor decisions based on their perceptions of how others are treating them. So...if there is a person driving slow or even the speed limit we turn that into a feeling of how much that ONE person is out to screw with us...and rationalize that everything they are doing is in fact simply to piss us off, or make us late, or slow us down. So why do we rationalize to the negative side? How difficult would it be for us to think about how hard the other person driving around has it. Maybe they have had a family emergency, maybe their little heart is broken, maybe they just lost their job or are just particularly stressed. Maybe their whole purpose for existing does NOT to revolve around you? Maybe.

Thanks to traffic school I am going to think about how my attitude affects me every day. I think as a Yasmin, I owe it to everyone else on the road, whether I'm in my car or my running shoes, to have a positive attitude. How's your attitude today? And how much power to make it positive will you exercise today? I know my running ninjas will keep a positive attitude as we do sprints on a hill. Maybe we will try an experiment....half will think that the hills suck....and the other will think that they are great....and then we'll see who has a better time on the road today!

Well basically the message of the day is to ch-ch-check yourself before you wreck yourself! How is a Yasmin going to turn this into a beneficial lesson for being a running ninja? Check your attitude. If you think you can do something, you can. If you want to suffer through it, you will. You may need to acknowledge that half the battle is showing up, and that having a positive attitude makes the rest of the battle seem less like a fight....and more of an opportunity.

A Yasmin?

Exactly. What is a Yasmin? To date, she's a work in progress...at the suggestion of a good friend I am starting a blog, despite the fact that Blogs are so 2001...maybe I am late to the party but here goes.....time to try and explain a Yasmin.

A Yasmin is a simply complex person. Maybe if I end up writing enough and you end up reading enough you'll be rewarded by understanding the complexity of being a Yasmin. Currently I am a Running Ninja, with a newly acquired running group! Yep...my running group did the seemingly impossible and ran 1 mile. SOOO VERRRYYYY PRRROOOOUD!! WOOOHOOO!

Seemingly impossible because often during busy lives, mixed up priorities, and a need to do as the TV suggests and get some much needed R&R (rest and relaxation) the prospect of putting on some spandexy type running clothes, getting on those shoes that may or may not hurt your feet (not talking about those 4inch heels either), and pulling your hair back to go for a 'run' does not seem relaxing.

If you are an athlete...you either were blessed with agility, coordination and skills. Or you put your heart and soul into your sport and are athletic by sheer determination. Those really great Olympiads and success stories are probably a combination of both, blessings and determination. However, that was not a Yasmin. Until a year ago, August of 2010, athletics were not part of a day in the life of a Yasmin.

Taking a stroll down memory lane, let's go back to 7th grade. I was short (that hasn't changed much), chubby- cuz little girls are not fat- and slow. But I also had a slightly annoying appreciation of myself and belief in myself that I could do whatever else anyone else could do. Maybe it was my Mom's idea to tell me I was wonderful or my Grandmother who taught me that I could do whatever I set out to do...or maybe it's because I am in fact of the mentality that everyone should think of themselves as a princess. But either way I believed I was talented enough to make it onto our basketball team. LOL...I will never forget my Dad's 'talk' after try outs (where I got placed on C team, i.e. 'it's middle school so we can't cut you but you didn't really make a team!')....he said....

"How did you expect to make the team when you were the slowest of the girls out there? All you did was joke around, laugh and talk to the others when you should have been running!"

I was talkative, happy, and referred to often as a social butterfly so it was no surprise to anyone that that's what I was doing instead of putting forth all that energy into those silly silly try outs.

My smart ass response was "well at least I tried, there's like 100 girls that didn't even show up"

What I didn't know then, was that "trying" is going outside of your comfort zone, doing things you are not sure you will succeed in and putting forth an effort that leaves you close to depletion. I had tried because I had shown up, but I hadn't because I did not leave my comfort zone of chatting and being distracted by the socializing aspect of the team!

I never knew that I had not actually tried. Running....or rather jogging...or maybe we should just call it "faster than walking" has given me a glimpse into what it means to try.

Today I started a blog...so let's see what else happens tomorrow. I don't know where this blog is going...but I do know that I have a running group made up of wonderful ladies. We have 12 weeks to go from being able to run 1 mile...to running 13 miles. I'm going to pray that this running group turns into the Sex and the City of running groups! So that I have some juicy stuff to talk about... LOL....I make myself laugh too...that's totally a Yasmin thing!

Ok....have a good day!